Values Exercise That Actually Works
A simple 15-minute activity to identify what truly matters to you — not what you think should matter.
Why Most People Skip This Step
You’ve probably heard that you need to “identify your values” to find direction. Sounds boring, right? Like something from a corporate retreat or a self-help book that’s been gathering dust since 2015.
Here’s the thing though — you don’t actually need to attend a weekend workshop or pay someone to help you figure this out. What you need is 15 minutes, a quiet space, and honest answers to three questions. We’re talking real values, not the ones you think you’re supposed to have.
The Three-Question Method
This isn’t a personality test or a ranking exercise. You’re looking for patterns in your actual life — the moments when you felt genuinely satisfied, not the moments Instagram told you to feel satisfied.
When did you feel most alive?
Not happy necessarily. Alive. Think about moments where you lost track of time or felt like you were exactly where you needed to be. Write down 3-4 specific examples. What were you doing? Who was with you? What made it feel real?
When have you felt angry or frustrated?
This is the important one most people skip. Your frustration points to what matters. If you’re frustrated by dishonesty, honesty is a core value. If you’re frustrated by wasted time, efficiency matters to you. List 3-4 situations where you genuinely felt fed up.
What would you do without external reward?
Remove money, status, and approval from the equation. If nobody would ever know what you were doing, what would you choose? This reveals values that drive you intrinsically, not what you think should drive you.
Finding Your Actual Values
Once you’ve answered those three questions, look for repeating words or themes. You’re not looking for fancy value names. Don’t overthink it.
If “freedom” shows up in all three answers, that’s a value. If “helping people” appears repeatedly, that’s a value. If you keep mentioning “family” or “learning” or “building things,” you’ve found it. These won’t be abstract concepts — they’ll be concrete things that actually appear in your life.
The values that matter aren’t the ones you announce. They’re the ones you live.
The Validation Check
You’ll probably end up with 4-7 core values. Here’s how to know if you’ve got the right ones:
Does it appear naturally in your life?
You don’t have to force it or announce it. If it’s truly a value, you’re already living it in some way — even if it’s small.
Can you describe it in simple terms?
Skip the corporate jargon. “Growth” works. “Synergistic evolution” doesn’t. Your values should be words you’d actually use in conversation.
Does violating it genuinely bother you?
If you list a value but you’re willing to compromise it constantly without guilt, it’s probably not actually a core value. Just a nice-to-have.
Have you sacrificed for it?
Real values have cost you something — time, money, easier paths, social approval. If you’ve never given anything up for it, question whether it’s truly core.
What Happens Next
Once you’ve identified your values, don’t just write them down and forget them. This is where most people stop, and they end up right back where they started.
Your values become your compass. When you’re facing a decision — whether it’s a career change, a relationship, a project, or just how to spend your weekend — you ask: “Does this align with my values?” That simple question cuts through the noise.
It won’t make decisions easy. But it’ll make them honest. And that’s worth more than feeling certain.
A Note on This Exercise
This values exercise is educational and informational. It’s designed to help you reflect on what matters to you — not to prescribe a specific life path or make decisions for you. Everyone’s values are different, and there’s no “right” answer. If you’re working through major life decisions, consider speaking with a coach, therapist, or mentor who can provide personalized guidance based on your specific circumstances.
